21 ways to piss off Megatron
by autobot fangirl
Summary: My sequel to pissing off Sentinel. This time the stakes are raised, and the morals are dropped. Guaranteed to put you on Megatron's most hated list. Rated T for Adult themes,and Cybertron swearing. FINALLY DONE! !
1. Chapter 1

Twenty one ways to piss of Megatron.

Back by popular demand, my 21 ways to piss off somebot continues.

Disclaimer: Hasbro owns Transformers.

Well, I'm band from Metroplex for at least a week. A certain some mech*cough, cough Sentinel* showed the first few chapters to Ultra Magnus of my last piss off list. So, until I can head back to Iacon, I thought I'd break into Deception HQ and have a little more havoc humour at the cons exspense. So you can walk around freely, stick a Decepticon emblem on and claim you're a pretender. Just make sure it's Blitzwing or Lugnut who admit you as they're to stupid to wonder why you have no spark signature. I thought we'd start with the tyrannical tyrant himself, Megatron.

Warning: The reader understands the potential for bodily injury and/or offlining from pissing off Megatron. Unlike pissing off Sentinel, there is no Prime, Magnus, or ninjabot to hide behind. If something happens, all I can say is I warned you.

Idea one: confetti cannon.

When Megatron takes off his cannon to hit the wash racks, (yes, turns out he's a grime-a-phobe.) Replace a few key parts turning it into a confetti cannon. Megatron is so overly confident that he never checks his weapons before combat. Therefore this guarantees two things; one, he'll look like an idiot, and two, whoever he was about to slag has a chance to slag him back. Not to mention he won't be able to kill you from a distance until shockwave fixes it.

Idea two: hero villian worship is unhealthy.

Causally tell Lugnut that Megatron thinks he's stopped caring about his leader. Lugnut will think this is the end and immediately begin groveling like crazy. Even Megatron's ego has a limit. Hopefully, not just his optic will twitch this time.

Idea three. Yum...

Megatron fancies himself an oil expert. If the Constructicons ever stop in, have them swig some oil and spit it out like mouthwash. Collect this used motor oil and when Megs isn't looking, pour the contents into his mug. The moment it enters his mouth, it'll fly out faster than he can yell. Keep your snickering down or he'll find you and slag you on the spot. If he does, say it was Starscream's idea and run before he can decide whether you're fibbing.

A/N if you read my last list on how to piss of Sentinel, you know the drill. I'm gonna do it in several chapters and ideas are welcome. and again, I swear it'll get funnier.


	2. Chapter 2

Twenty one ways to piss off Megatron.

Thanks for the R&R's, Optimus' girl and cartoons and anime get credit for idea four, Autobotschic and Standout4Christ get credit for idea five.

Disclaimer: Hasbro owns Transformers.

Idea four: Mail call.

When the cons get mail, (shocking, I know) put a few extra pieces in Megatrons pile. Have the first one be a card from Sari Sumdac that says something like 'happy fathers day, (or mothers day, depending on how much you want to insult him.) to my Cybertronian parent.' Megatron may not get it, so do a little explanation of since he was the only robot in Sumdac's lab when the protoform showed up he must technically be...well by now he'll have understood and be warming up his gun to slag you. The second piece is a calender that composes of some Autobots and Cons in bare protoform (naked). The months are as follows: January: Starscream having a snowball fight. February: Hot Blitzwing in a firemans pose. March: Jazz at the car wash. April: The jet twins back to back. May: Shockwave straddling a computer (he was drunk, i didn't pick it.) June: Optimus opening up his chest compartment like a vest and flashing the camera. July: Prowl lounging on a tree branch. (if anyone asks, Bumblebee took that picture not me.) August: Rodimus and barricade wrestling each other with most of their armor already torn off. September: Lugnut (in my opinion eww. but Megatron's pretty twisted so...) October: Blackaracnia holding up two pumpkins to her chassis (she's the only femme in here.) November: Random Blitzwing in a native american dress. And finally December: Optimus in a hot santa suit and starscream dressed as a hot elf on his lap (Optimus went out the night Soundwave drugged him, and Screamer had already knocked back a few.) By the time Megatron looks through this, he'll want Screamer and Optimus sooo bad, Starscream may be hesitant, but then accept it (pun not intended) Optimus will probably be mad enough to rev his engine at you next time you see him. Allow Megatron to enjoy it for a few days and then have it mysteriously vanish. This will make Megatron fairly perturb.

Idea five: Fashion show.

When Megatron is in recharge, ask screamer to help you make him "pretty". Put makeup and fake eyelashes on him along with a small motion triggered bubble machine, so every time he puts his landing pad down, Bubbles pop up. Complete it with the sparkly pink tutu that random Blitzwing has, and you've got one funny situation. Next have all the cons go to the rec-room and wait for Megatron. When Megatron walks in not knowing what he looks like, blast the song 'Stronger' by Kanye West. The impromptu fashion show will have every con with the exception of Starscream gawking. Hopefully, Starscream will laugh so hard Megatron will think it was just him and slag the seeker while you make a clean run for it. Even better, Lugnut may slag him as well.

Idea six: Interior designer.

When Megatron is out, get into his room with alot of pastel paint and have a field day. For extra pissedness, paint hearts, rainbows, and the Autobot symbol on his walls along with the bright colors. Megatron will be steaming. Even better, when he lies down for recharge, have his cieling right above his head stenciled with the saying, "make peace, not war." The Con won't be able to recharge soundly until Soundwave's cassettes scrub it off.

A/N Boy is Megatron mad...


	3. Chapter 3

Twenty one ways to piss off Megatron.

Thanks to everyone who sent in suggestions. Their was so many that MY processor had a brain wipe trying to decide what to use. Autobotschic, blackstarshooter and her friend get credit for idea seven and nine.

Disclaimer: Hasbro owns transformers, all other things belong to their respective companies.

Idea seven: He denies it. You supplied it.

Get an over sized whoopi cushion made to sound like a backfire (equivalent to robot fart) place it on Megatrons throne right before his meeting with team char and watch him sit down. The moment he hears it, his optics might bug out a little and then narrow as he finds out what he's sitting on. For fun, I'd record the first half of the reaction and send it to Metroplex with your compliments. Maybe the Magnus will get a small kick out of it. Who knows. Also, I'd either put Blitzwing's or Screamers name on the cushion to avoid suspicion.

Idea eight: Stunt props.

When Megatron drops off his swords for maintenance, slip into shockwave's workshop and replace the blades with Nerf blades. The war lord looks a whole lot less threatening with giant foam toys. He'll be exceedingly fragged off. I'd stay clear for at least a week.

Idea nine: Peter iron tail.

Redecorate Megatrons throne room in the spirit of Easter. Put colored eggs all over the floor, cardboard chics and bunnies taped to his throne, and for the crown jewel, make him into a rabbit! Superglue ears, whiskers, and a giant white fluffy tail to his hind quarters. Then for added fun, teach random Blitzwing the song 'Here comes Peter cotton tail.' Have random sing it to Megatron when he's on his throne. I'd REALLY record this. Send it out over the Decepticon frequency. They'll think Megatron has finally fried his processor.

Note: NEVER, EVER tell any con you did this as Megatron will be bashing helms and crushing sparks. Their is no con alive who would keep your secrect if it meant offlining.

A/N thanks for reading, sorry it took so long. I currently have no computer and this was written on a phone w/ wifi. To all readers who celebrate it, have a wonderful Easter!


	4. Chapter 4

Twenty one ways to piss off Megatron.

A/N Sorry It took so long, I was on a trip to another country. Boy, are currency rates confusing. Anyway, here we go. YinYangWriter and Skellington girl get credit for idea eleven.

Idea number ten: Off the hook.

Aquire the code to Megatron's personal comm link. Next, send a message over the general Decepticon frequency announcing a win a date with Megatron contest. The twentyfith thousandth caller wins. Megatron's comm will go nuts for about eighteen hours with almost every femme or mech who's fantasied about this fake opportunity. Saying Megatron will be annoyed will be a huge understatement for this one.

Idea number eleven: glitch in your throat?

Replace Megatron's voice synthesizer with random Blitzwing's. Poor Megatron will have to deal with Random using his voice and his sarcastic seeker laughing at his predicament all day. Hopefully, he'll rip off screamer's null rays and beat him with them. I'd do this on the day he has to give a public Decepticon adress. Also, if you really want him to have his entire ego blown to bits, replace his mirror with a fun house mirror. Considering his image is about 99.9 of his leadership, he'll be super angry and in a rage smash it while shouting in B.W's german accent. Since a mirror is seven years bad luck to break, you just gave a major boost to the Autobots.

Idea number twelve: identity problem.

Shockwave is the groups tech nerd/historian. Break into his lab and edit all the records so it says Starscream did all of Megatron's acomplishments. Furthermore, edit the Decepticon leader's name so instead of "Megatron", it says a human name like "Megan Ton" or an insult like "Mega dunce". Run very far away afterwards. You'd have a better chance of winning a fight with Grimlock than apologizing to Megatron.

Well, that's it until next chapter. Ideas are still welcome. Don't tell Shockwave I'm hiding under his work bench as I'm writing this though. He's got a picture of Soundwave down here with little hearts all over it that's starting to freak me out.

P.S: if you had an idea you posted, but haven't seen yet, just remind me if you'd still like to see it and I'll see what I can do.


	5. Chapter 5

Twenty one ways to piss off Megatron.

Sorry it's been awhile. I promised myself to work on my other fic and get that updated. Now it's done and the hilarity can continue!

YingYangWriter and Dancing Dingo get credit for idea 13.

Idea 13: Mr. Sensitive.

Get into Megatron's room and chick it. Replace all his battle tapes w/ sex & the city episodes, frame his berth with lace, and stick a cherry blossom air freshener somewhere out of sight. Do this on the night Megs go's out to find one night stand femmes (he's scared of commitment after his ex ). When he brings them back to show how tough he is, all they'll get is the impression that he's a wuss. Trust me, sensitivity may fly with the Autobot femmes, but Decepticon femmes can't stand it. They'll leave pretty fast and tell other femmes to not waste their time. Megatron will be furious at this so don't hang around.

Idea 14: Whoops.

On very rare occasions Megatron will sleep in his alt mode. When he's out, gingerly tie a rope to his propeller and his rudder. When he goes to fly, the rope will trip him up, and he'll nose plant. Then screamer can mock him for a good hour.

Idea 15: Old memories.

Show the rest of the Deceptions the footage of Optimus Prime beating the slag out of Megatron. This was humiliating for the war lord. Actually, anyone who brings it up normally loses a leg. The cons who haven't seen it before will question Meg's leadership and all pit will break loose in the rec-room. This is more of a personal enjoyment for you to see everybot with something damaged be it an arm or pride.

O.K, I've got to find a new hiding spot. Soundwave came over last night and Shockwave got him pretty drunk (don't ask me how. They don't even have mouths!) I won't go into detail...it wasn't pretty. *purges tank*


	6. Chapter 6

Twenty one ways to piss off Megatron.

Again, I apologize for my lack of consistency. My work load has gotten nuts, preventing me from sitting down frequently.

Disclaimer: Hasbro owns Transformers.

Idea sixteen: Never marry a femme with more fire power.

Megatron was once a bonded mech. However, the bond ended with a domestic abuse report was filed...FROM MEGATRON! ! ! Turns out, his wife beat the slag out of him. According to the doc who patched him up, Megs was shaking! Find this oh so special femme and invite her to the base. When she arrives, see how long it takes for Megatron to lock himself in his room. Ask her then to stay the week. Note: This femme is WORSE than Megatron, DO NOT piss her off! !

Idea seventeen: King for a day.

When Megatron leaves the base; convince Screamer that nows his chance to take over as the con's leader! Get the weaker minded bots in on it, so SS has some subjects. I'd lock Lugnut outside so he can't ruin the fun. When Megs comes back and sees the haphazard rebellion, he'll see so more than red!Run far away as Megatron will try to kill anyone involved.

Idea eighteen: Questionable heritage.

Start a rumour that Megatron is only half Con! Send a message over the airwaves containing botched documents stating Meg's Father was actually an Autobot. Ratchet will probably be able to create the fake records if you can get a hold of him. This will send him over the edge big time! Run far _far _away as he will rip you to pieces himself. A will not listen Pranker's an offline Pranker.

Ok, new hiding spot located: I'm now chilling in Paranoid Screamer clone's room. I think he said his name was Sky Warp...He won't say much though; afraid i'm going to kill him. (Kinda tempting to paranoy him so more though. XD )


	7. Chapter 7

Twenty one ways to piss off Megatron.

OK, last chap, last chance to really get him steamed!

Optimus' girl gets credit for idea twenty.

Disclaimer: Hasbro owns Transformers.

Idea nineteen: Wrong way, stupid.

When Megatron is out cold, take his fusion cannon and modify it to be EXTRA powerful. Now here's the trick; when you go to remount it, put it so the barrel is facing TOWARDS Megatron's head! As I said before, Megatron does not check his weapons much. He won't notice until he gets a face full of fusion plasma! He'll have quite a few burn marks on his face afterwards. Not to mention Starscream laughing his aft off, and random Blitzwing singing the song that goes,"It'll be a hot time in the old town tonight...FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!"

Idea twenty: cyberflower child.

Inform Megatron that when he was an Autobot prisoner, the good guy faction stole a sample of his CNA and now Optimus Prime has been impregnated with the sample to bear a child of the war lord that will fight for the Autobots. Needless to say he'll be mad on two accounts. One; this adds insult to injury as Optimus was the one who brought him down, and two; he didn't give any permission or get any action! To make it seem really convincing, you could photo shop a pic of Prime to make it look like he's carrying. When Megs calls up Ultra Magnus and screams, you can be sure everyone in Metroplex will be laughing their afts off. Well...Optimus will probably be a little pissed at you for implying him so, make sure you have an 'im sorry' gift waiting.

Idea twenty one: Thats a real pisser.

Kind of a reuse from SP's piss list,but its too good to pass up! Drug Megatron and when he's out, transfer his consciousness into an Autobot femme frame! (the stuff you need is in Shockwave's lab.) When the great powerful ruler awakes in a teeny tiny autobot body he'll flip! You might even get a scream of terror out of him. Then, for extra fun, have all the single cons hit on him under the impression that this femme is Megatron's 'prisoner.' eventually, you'll need to change him back; and when you do, get a three day or 150 lightyear head start! Megatron will want you dead or alive!

Well...thats another one.

Megatron: STARSCREAM! WHERE ARE YOU! ? ! ? YOU ARE GOING TO PAY FOR THIS LIST! ! !

Starscream: It wasn't me! ! It was the pretender fe-aaaaaaahhhh! ! ! *cut off by fusion blast.*

ohhh...I better make myself scarce. Looks like it will be a few days before Screamers out of the medbay...then he's next! ! See ya later!


End file.
